Here is the update for May through September. There won't be much kitting this time around, I'm afraid! As before, If you only want to see the knitting goals, just boop, boop, boop, down to the RED text.
Without further ado...
1. This may be the one bright light in today's post. I don't feel like I've done much well this summer, but I am good at plopping down in my dirty house and building a megablocs tower and knocking it down and building a new one. That's a good thing.
2 & 4. I think we're doing good on raising a happy little boy. He is incredibly full of joy.
3. I'll be optimistic and think that Wiggle doesn't see all my stress.
But this has been a not good few months for me. It started in May and I feel like I've been playing catch up since then. I need space. And space is hard to find when you live in a house built so that everyone hangs out in a central living room together.
These months have been marked by feelings of tiredness, things undone, and a general feeling that I lack an escape. I would like to feel I could relax and not have this always present feeling that there is so much that needs to be done that isn't being done. Most moments of relaxation come with guilt then or later of all the things that needed done and weren't. Part of me feels that I ought to just buckle down for a few weeks, recognize that yes, there is a short term loss in down time, for the benefits on the other end (a house that is clean and uncluttered and not junked up with crap; a business that is off the ground, etc). However, so often, at night, I'm just tired. Part of this probably has to do with what I'm eating... more on this later.
5. Well, being stressed seems to lead to quick anger. I have this book already, but - of course - can't find it in our trashed storage area. So, I said the heck with it and bought The Art of Happiness on kindle. I've been slowly reading and am enjoying it. For all my overthinking, mindfulness has never been a strength of mine. I'm good at the post mortem, not the forethought.
6. Going to bed by 10.... hahahahahahahaha..... hmmm, maybe that is another part of the stress / tired problem.... I tend to stay up to have a few moments alone and not working. And then get lost on the internet and go to bed late.... hmmmm.... I guess the good thing about this public airing of my life is that by writing it down, I can see how things are interconnected.
7 & 8 & 9. Oh shit, I wish I were minimizing! I wish I could find stuff! There has been some want buying, but not much, truly. The kitchen remodel created some good minimizing in the kitchen and I cleared out some clothes. But our spare room has been hit with crap creep! If our storage area burned down, I think I'd feel so much better. Isn't that sad? It says so much about the unwanted detritus of life. I also intend to do some yarn minimizing, but I have no idea when. You'll hear about it here, trust me!
10. No processed sweets.... going into June, I realized I was buying donuts and ice cream all the time. I fell off the wagon and bought a ton of junk food. I realized it was out of control and tried to cut back. I even tried to go sugar free for August and made it seven days.
I realized something amazing in that seven days - I am taking in so much sugar for ready carbs and energy! I was SO HUNGRY during that week. Seriously, I was constantly hungry. Nursing and working full time and chasing after a toddler is tiring. Rather than eating healthy, I've used sugar as a crutch. I intend to do much better until Thanksgiving. I'm thinking there will be some sugar free weeks between now and then. I don't like eating crap and Wiggle watches everything we do - I don't want him picking up our bad food habits.
11. Working on the filing cabinet. Woefully behind on the shredding....
12. I do straighten the house each night (making no progress on the dust and accumulated messes). And while I hate not sitting down until 9 some nights, I am just the type of person that would be so much more stressed to wake up in the morning and face the mess of the day(s) before.
13. We do have a garden! A friend has been helping us, but it's in and makes me happy. I want to get out there even more with Wiggle. One benefit of Hawaii is there really is no garden season... perfect for garden procrastinators like me.
14. Yoga became horribly sporadic in May, June and July. It remains limited to 1-2 asanas a day. I was focusing on at least doing a sun salutation each day, but switched it up and have been trying to do tree pose every night. I have this belief it is grounding me. And maybe that's craziness, but I am feeling less out of control than I did in May - June and I've gone from falling out of tree most days to being able to hold it for awhile and try to focus on rooting and breathe.
15 & 16. Well, you know the 1/2 marathon didn't happen but 5 weeks ago I dug in my heels and decided I was going to try very hard to run the Honolulu marathon. It is a sacrifice because long runs are on the weekend and I miss time with Iain. That said, I do think the running time has helped me clear my head and I'm running on trails so that is helping me to feel better too. When I start with the four weeks of 15+ mile long runs, I'm going to take a day of from work each week to make up for the 6-7 hours I'm missing with Wiggle each day.
17. I am feeling very happy about my reading. I've slacked off a bit these past few months - more victimization of the internet time thief - but still manage at least a few pages each night.
NOW FOR THE KNITTING GOALS!
18. I have so many FOs to tell you about. I always want to tell the whole story about an FO, but when I was getting ready for this post, I realized the last time I mentioned an FO was my April update! That is just crazy! So, I think I'll give up the dream of the perfect story and try harder to just get you some FO posts in the coming weeks.
19. Well, after my birthday, I bought yarn. And then, I found out that Cephlapod was going out of business because of the owner's complications with MS. At so many Stitches West conventions, I passed up their yarn because of price. Since I knew this was my last chance, I just went with it and bought these three lovelies...
20. Oh designs! I am going to release one this year, I really think I can do it. More so than the desire to release it, is the desire that Wiggle will get it and it will still be useful! And that is your only hint.
21. I hope I'm doing better on blog comments. I truly value and appreciate each of you that comments.
Well, that is all for now! Writing this has helped me see some patterns for improvement. Hopefully I will have more positive things to report next month!
xxx
(maybe I should try to be more zen like Beckerman)
I love your fierce honesty. And although I say that every mom is different and I try very hard not to compare and advise - I want to say this: When bushboy was young I often felt exactly as you do. I was exhausted for years, easy to tears or anger, and felt like I wasn't doing anything well. But like you, I could build a mean block tower (or cushion mountain). And I'm here to tell you - it gets easier. Part of what you are feeling honestly and truthfully is part of being a mom to a young child. And from the smiles on that boy's face, and the fierce love I know you give him ... you're doing great.
Thank you for sharing yourself in this space. It means a lot.
Posted by: kate | October 05, 2014 at 09:23 PM
i will agree with kate - i too love your honesty. and found myself shaking my head up and down in agreement as i was reading a lot of it.
i'm working hard on taking things one day at a time... what else can we do.
and kate's right - one look at the joy exuding out of wiggle and it's obvious what a wonderful mama you are!
hugs to you!!
Posted by: melissa | October 23, 2014 at 02:03 PM
ps - i love that photo of beckerman!
Posted by: melissa | October 23, 2014 at 02:03 PM