Wrestling

I'm traveling for work and had great intentions to blog about: Christmas gifts, wedding, change.  I even considered jumping on the "word" bandwagon.  But I managed to find the one hotel left in the world that doesn't have internet connections in the rooms.  There was wireless in the lobby, but for some reason, I never got in the mood while down there.

Perhaps next week.  Maybe by the end of January, I'll have wrapped up showing all that I knit in 2011.  Ha.

Despite the internet, it's been a really fantastic week mentally.  Last time I was here, I ended up in a super-loud, party hotel.  I was so unhappy.  This time, I purposely chose a hotel in the middle of nowhere.  Because of that, I've spent a lot of time focused on myself.  I've eaten almost no processed food all week. Some nut crackers and two things of fries.  But it's 9 a.m and I'm sitting in a Wholefoods eating a salad for breakfast.  It feels good.

I've also spent a lot of time turned inwards, thinking a lot. Boy #2 is in his final year of school. For the first time in a long time, Partner and I can move. And I think we're ready.  But we're not sure what to do. I'm tired of my job. Burned out. But I love the work I do. But there are few places I can do it. In fact, on the west coast, where we want to stay (we think), I'm pretty much at the only place I can do it. (And sorry for being vague, I just don't want to put too much out there on the internet).

We both love the Pacific Northwest.  We even looked around a little over Christmas. But the job situation isn't that great. I'd certainly take a pay cut to move there.  Probably a pretty significant one. This is hard for me to wrestle with; 1) I've been working in this field for awhile and I'm pretty senior. 2) But I lack the qualifications of most of my counterparts. 3) So I'd either have to switch fields, or take a pay cut. 4) And that all assumes I can find a job, which is by no means a given.

While traveling this week, a whole world of new job ideas opened up to me. But they all involve places other than the Pacific Northwest. There are likely jobs in Europe that I could take. I wouldn't take a pay cut and I'd be in a portion of the world where 1) I really like the history and 2) I speak (in the most tenuous definitions of the same) a couple of the languages. I also found out there is a job opening where I'm at now. A part of the country I've never thought of living. And I know in my heart would never be permanent. But I'd actually get a pay raise, something I'd resigned myself to letting go of. And I'd be able to work in a field closely related to what I do now and actually - finally - be able to really apply some of my master's course work.

And Partner even could get a job here (or in Europe).

We've been talking so much about this. We're both ready to settle down a bit. I'd like to explore some of my more domestic leanings (of which I truly believed I had none, until Partner and I lived together.  Cooking more naturally/from scratch. Living more holistically and cleaner. Canning.) I'm kind of ready to nest in a permanent HOME.  Not the home we have now, that we rent from other people.  We want a place we can sink into, to absorb the vibe of the place and reflect it back.  This is something I don't see us doing in Europe or anywhere other than the Northwest. Maybe I'm wrong.  I've been wrong before; I was happy to get back to California, only to realize it wasn't for the person I've become.

But if I move somewhere else instead, we'd be able to save for THE place, when we're ready to finally settle in the Northwest.

So, that's what we're wrestling with.  To move? Or not. To change jobs? Or not.  If so, do what? And where?

Rather than just be silent on the blog while I turned these things over and over again, I decided I'd just put it out here in this space. I would welcome any thoughts on this.  Or opinions.  Or alternatives. Maybe we aren't thinking of something.  Actually, we probably aren't.

In other news, Partner has embraced my thoughts on minimizing. He's even started another blog on the same. Hop on over there to see our physical chaos slowly going away. And he's doing a lot while I'm passing the days here. Nice.

Speaking of here.  Some pictures (sunset last night and sunrise this morning):

There are worse places to consider the future path of one's life.

 

Comments

[kate]

First, thank you so much for the pictures. Especially the one of your feet in flip flops. Perfection on this cold day.

Second, that is a lot to mull over! I'm glad you've decided to put it out here, where other people who care about you can listen, and perhaps even mull it over as well.

And as I learned in November, sometimes it takes a while of putting it out there for it all to come back to you. So, watch out!

[melissa]

oh friend, you have so many paths before you... i am glad you are somewhere peaceful and beautiful to work on sorting them out.
i know which ever path you choose will be a good one, because *you* will be on it. you are thoughtful and caring and i think that you will find, that given time, no matter which path you choose, you'll end up where you were meant to be.

[art]

Finally, someone with equally ugly toes.

Introspection...introspective....why are we here, what do we do for others, what do we do for ourselves... Why are we? What happens when we pass? Joke on us if we're really only living in one of many social ant-farms with some giant looming over us in our care.

Don't rush and don't paint your self into a self-imposed timeframe of finding your spot in this life (I consider rushing falls in the 2-5 yr timeframe). It takes some people decades, and then again, some people never do find themselves.

Having a partially defined end-point is half the battle; having someone in your life who shares those ideas is a blessing. What I did not appreciate soon enough is that it is the road / journey, not the destination point, that is the better part of the travel.

Time to pop anothe cork....

[Rue]

These sorts of questions are very much on my mind these days so I have a lot to say. But it all falls in the "don't want to share too much on the Internet" category so I'll email instead. Hopefully this weekend!